Holy Cow! When I thought having one child was challenging enough, we then went and threw another into the mix! Some days I get so completely overwhelmed with being responsible for two little people, I just crumble. I go through several thought processes including the regularly talked about ‘mum guilt’ and the ‘i’m not parenting well enough today’ guilt (not just today, feels like days, oh its that time of the month days). I look around and all I see is that i’m surrounded by mess, I look in the mirror and wonder who the woman is looking back, I look at my work piling up and up… and I wonder when the hell is it all going to get done!
Saying this, I know for a fact it doesn’t help that I can count on one hand the nights I have had a full nights sleep in over a year. I do not cope well with lack of sleep, and of course this contributes to my mood greatly! It also doesn’t help that my 3 year old is EXTREMELY testing at the moment, and that my 11 month old (the sleep thief!) seems to be constantly teething, the drool! Oh and the new mum skill I have had to acquire in refereeing sibling rivalry! Finally, the financial pressure contributes to how I feel I need to make a living so that hubby and I can ensure we have a roof over our heads, food on the table and its important to us to have the ability to give the boys the best start in life that we can offer.
I suppose when you think about it, that’s actually a lot of pressure. No-one can prepare you for what you are likely to face during parenthood. You hear all sorts of stories but until you come face-to-face with reality, thats only when you look back and remember THAT conversation you had with THAT said person all THAT time ago. I guess thats what they mean by experiencing things first hand.
I’ll tell you what though, as tiring and as challenging as it may be, when I see those two little faces looking up at me, thinking and seeing me as their world, my heart goes into meltdown. I sadden at the thought of how fast time is flying and that one day they won’t need me or want a cuddle, or to hold my hand. When I am having a bad day I often remind myself that they don’t stay young forever, and making the most of now is whats important. My neighbour said something to me that stuck… she said if everyone has survived that day, no-one is dead, but is fed and watered, then class that as a good day, a parenting win!
One of MY most cherished times is to have peep at the boys when they are asleep. I love how they look so peaceful, innocent and restful… I simply love them unconditionally! So enough of the guilt, lack of ‘parenting’ etc. ending on a positive note, I have two wonderful boys, my two babies and a loving family. Don’t get me wrong though, motherhood still overwhelms me at times! Good days, bad days, it all comes with the job!